How to stop being ill - hey me, get with the programme!
I feel sick, snotty, unable to move, curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself, just down-right miserable - miserable that I can't bring myself to get up, miserable that I'm wasting this holiday 'city break' in bed in a hotel with no kettle, in Spain! and i want to be at home in my own bed and get my mummy to make some chicken soup and my husband to deliver it to my bedside. I'm miserable that my mind will not obey my body. I can't stop my snot, my cough, my night sweats, my vomiting and I should really make an effort to just get up, brush it off and go round this beautiful city fulfilling the itinerary we have lined up from the guidebook. I feel guilty that I'm not up-beat for my husband, that he's not having fun and I'm dragging him down...mind over matter, think myself well, manifest energy now, come on, life could be worse, you're so lazy, you're so spoilt...but you know what, what I really want to do is just sleep!
Ok, so my husband's gone out to try to get some cough mixture, no doubt miming snot, cough, vomit in the Spanish pharmacy to the amusement of the pharmacist...or not! And here I am right here, right now looking out of the window at the unexplored city, it's quiet and I'm still. Time to breathe, come to an acceptance of the way things are right now, right here. My body is shouting out to me - you've been running on empty, you need a rest, you need THIS time to recover, not complete ANOTHER list of things to do. Then I noticed that my body was in the recovery position, already showing me what i needed, big signal, waving frantically to my mind - hey get with the programme, this programme instead of beating myself up for not beating it! I remembered back to when we booked this city 'break' - I did say that I was feeling 'run down' and we needed a break...Maybe I was just wishing for the wrong kind of 'break' - be careful what you wish for.
Maybe my body just took the opportunity, it saw an empty space in my diary that said 'city break' - It literally double-booked and allocated this for its own break - all the submerged shit is coming out and out it tumbles...let it come forth, come to the present moment, to the details of the sheet and the pillow I'm curled up in feeling sorry for myself - notice my hand, my skin, my vomit bucket...it's a time to be with this break, this edge, and fragility...it's important shit! And my body is healing itself while I rest and sleep because the energy is not being sucked up by the list of things to do outside - it turns the energy inwards to where its really needed, to rest deeply, to heal deeply. If I'd pushed it all back down, pulled my socks up and gone out to play pretending everything was alright, what violent action might my body need to take before I finally listen?
I vow not to double-book again - so I found one small step to help me when I go home. I will make time to stop, be still and allow my body time to heal before it accumulates to a volcano of snot! I teach restorative yoga and when I hear my introduction to restorative yoga, explaining how important it is to take time out, to come back to the natural rhythms of the body and breath, to allow stillness to drip feed through to their mind - a mini holiday with no itinerary apart from to do nothing - I mean its obvious - hey! who am I really talking to? And when I hear myself offering advice to others, I could often do with listening to the same advice myself - HEY ME, GET WITH THE PROGRAMME!